The most refined love

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Goodre helps you keep track of books you want to read. Want to Read saving…. Want to Read Currently Reading Read. Other editions. Enlarge cover. Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Open Preview See a Problem? Details if other :. Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book . What to do when the honeymoon is over. This remarkable book shows couples how to transform stumbling blocks in their marriage into stepping stones of love.

It reveals the beauty and importance of high ideals and offers practical tips to help couples live up to those ideals daily. Get A Copy. Paperback , s. More Details Original Title. Other Editions 4. Friend Reviews. To see what your friends thought of this book, please up. To ask other readers questions about By Love Refined , please up. Lists with This Book. Community Reviews. Showing Average rating 4. Rating details. More filters. Sort order. Mar 29, Heather rated it really liked it Shelves: epistolatory , relationships-vocation.

I expected the title of this book was just a nice-sounding, generic phrase. How amazed I am to now understand it as the key to increasing depth of happiness in marriage. By Love Refined beautifully lays out how love really is the center of a good marriage--only, this is not love as the world expects. In short, clear, profound letters, Mrs. Her central image is the "Tabor Vision," a way of relating the intensity of early, "in love" love to the Transfiguration of Christ before his disciples on Mount Tabor. She asserts that the one who is in love sees the truest revelation of the beloved's self.

That such "in love" feelings will fade is inevitable. What the lover must do is remember the vision and live according to it. When his habits annoy you, when he seems distant, when life is full of drudgery, remember that this is not reality. That ecstatic vision of love is the reality.

Though it is often hidden, the secret to happiness in marriage is to bring it constantly to mind and to act in accord with it, rather than reacting to the mundane appearances of day-in-day-out life. This does not mean ignoring the reality of problems and trying to live in some imaginary dream world. The theme might be relaxation or joy or frustration or any hundred other things. What is important is perceiving the theme or perhaps helping craft it and acting accordingly for that moment. There is a time to address concerns or irritations with one's husband, but not at moments when either or both of you are exhausted, distracted, or upset.

What I liked most about this book, I think, is that it not only offered wise, Christian marriage advice, but that it gently teaches about the very nature of true love. So gentle is the teaching, in fact, that I cannot really point to any one thing that I had not already known and believed before I read the book.

Yet, so profound is the teaching that I feel I have a completely new vision of love lived out in the Christian life. For those wise enough to have become disillusioned with the world's mantra that marriage is all about love, this book will help you turn the tables on the world. Yes, marriage is all about love. But, oh, poor selfish world, you do not understand at all what love is. Read this book and begin to turn love inside out: It is not about your joy but the joy of your beloved.

Which, paradoxically, will bring you far more joy than you could ever have expected. Nov 14, Anna Mussmann rated it liked it. I feel a bit ambiguous about this epistolary volume. On the one hand, it contains good advice for the newly married woman. I also mean lack of reverence for other persons and even for things: the failure to recognize the inner nobility and worth of persons and things which le to the failure to treat them with the deep, tender respect that is due to them. On the other hand, I find her style off-putting.

Her tone is so elevated it sometimes feels like a throwback to nineteenth-century romanticism. What you saw then, even though it might seem an illusion now, was the true [man]. In all honesty, I find this a terrible analogy. Perhaps it will resonate more strongly with readers who experienced the traditional head-over-heels kind of courtship. I feel far more in love with my husband now than during our engagement. I find it far more helpful to be urged to love, forgive, and accept my sinful husband whose weaknesses are real!

View 2 comments. Jun 27, J rated it really liked it Shelves: catholic-reading , around-the-world-challenge. World Challenge: Belguim A collection of letters from an older spiritual mentor to a young woman during her first few years of marriage. It reminded me of a reverse Screwtape Letters with good advice being shared to a christian woman adjusting to marriage.

It was an easy format to read and made the metaphysical and theological issues discussed more relatable. I also World Challenge: Belguim A collection of letters from an older spiritual mentor to a young woman during her first few years of marriage.

I also loved that the young woman's name happened to be Julie! It discusses small annoyances and problems, but is not intended to address marriages in crisis. There are other books for that! Amazingly she is still alive today at the age of 97! She was 30 years younger than Dietrich and married him after his first wife passed away. Her advice through the letters of "Lily" are unlike anything you will read in advice columns today. There are no snarky responses or "clapbacks". She gently urges her young friend to carry her burdens humbly, charitably discuss issues with her husband, and continually grow in sacrificial love.

This book is particularly valuable to newly married christian couples establishing their married lives together. But as an old married woman, I could still re-read it every few years and get something new out of it. Oct 05, Ailsa rated it liked it. I expected to like this book a lot more than I did! There are some wonderful nuggets of wisdom and I agree with the principles self sacrifice etc but I found the style annoying. Also, I found it peculiar that there was little discussion of children as cen I expected to like this book a lot more than I did!

Also, I found it peculiar that there was little discussion of children as central to marriage. For me, pregnancy, miscarriage and babies are bound up with the first two years of marriage - which in my experience accelerate growth, maturity and inter-dependence in marriage.

You never know what people struggle with that might be helped by this book. Feb 09, Sarah Milliard rated it liked it Shelves: Could it be because some of it hits closer to home in my own marriage than I care to admit? As an overachieving perfectionist I worry that some of the wisdom that Alice shares, when taken too close to heart, or without supportive community, becomes unhealthy.

It was also disheartening to hear over and over again the challenges of marriage without a deep reminders of the joys or b the knowledge that there was being read and absorbed a similar, complementary book for young husbands! Dec 03, Margaret Anton rated it really liked it. This is one of those books that every young married woman should read periodically. As the title suggests, it discusses how your love for your husband can help you become a better person, if you let it.

This is a much easier, less heady read than Alice von Hildebrand's other popular book, "The Privilege of Being a Woman," but still you can see marks of the philosopher as she discusses the ideals of marriage and how to attain them.

The book is in the form of a series of letters to a young friend This is one of those books that every young married woman should read periodically. The book is in the form of a series of letters to a young friend named Julie, who is newly married, offering advice on the difficulties she faces. The advice contained herein might be solid, but the format was irritating. It's no surprise this isn't a best seller. That said, I do think Hildebrand addressed many of the more common issues in marriages in a way that was easy to read and almost funny sometimes.

I don't hate myself for reading it, but I'm guessing whoever recommended it to me probably doesn't read much. Sep 15, Antonia rated it it was amazing. Though quick to read, there is much for a young couple to consider within these s. Most fundamentally, a married couple should be generous with one another and this book provides practical application of that principle.

Feb 22, Sharon rated it really liked it Shelves: women. The book is hard to get into, because the tone can easily be construed as saccharine and unrealistic. Get over it and keep reading, because it's absolutely worth it. Aug 05, Lauren rated it it was amazing. Solid advice for young brides. Jul 19, Bethany Heid rated it it was amazing Shelves: favorites. This book definitely made me a fan of Alice von Hildebrand. She's just brilliant. So much good stuff written in this book!

Mar 28, Dana Szigeti rated it it was amazing. A lovely collection of letters very appropriate for a bridal shower gift or for a any news bride! Mar 07, Juliana Lira rated it it was amazing Shelves: christianism , christianity , femininity , for-kindle , english. What a lovely book! If I could, I'd give this book to ever single newly married that I know and even my single female friends! That are a lot of precious advices from someone who knows very well about the subject. Even I'm not married myself not yet at least rs I found it very helpful for my relationships with my loved ones at home.

Pretty sure I will read this book again if I get married in the future : What a lovely book! Pretty sure I will read this book again if I get married in the future Dec 10, Cornelius Pulung rated it it was amazing Shelves: spirituality. This is my first encounter with Lady Alice in her books, though I already read some of her articles.

Well, this is the most beautiful book I've ever read about love and relationship. Although it is written from woman perspective and the context is marriage life, but as a man who is in a relationship with my lovely girlfriend, I received many spiritual benefits as if from my spiritual mother. Alice exercises her spiritual motherhood in a loving, warmth, and tender way.

She really knows how to cor This is my first encounter with Lady Alice in her books, though I already read some of her articles. She really knows how to correct gently and her advice warms the heart.

The most refined love

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By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride